That boy will do anything to keep fitting into those cute newborn outfits

I think Milo might have an eating disorder. I'm very concerned about this. The boy seems to binge and purge after every meal.

As soon as he wakes up from a nap, he starts fussing and whining for his next feed, like he can't get my boob into his mouth quickly enough, and then he gulps down as much as he can stomach without even bothering to chew.

And he eats, like, six or seven meals a day. Okay, I know the Canada Food Guide suggests that people eat three main meals with a couple of small snacks throughout the day, but Milo treats every single feed like he's a condemned man and it's the last meal he'll ever eat.

Sometimes -- I kid you not -- he tries to gobble everything down so fast that the milk comes out of his nose.

Now, do these sound like the eating habits of someone who has a healthy relationship with food?

But it gets worse.

Between one meal and the next, Milo tries his very best to regurgitate every last bit of food in his stomach. It all starts innocently enough, with a few innocuous wet-sounding burps. But the burps just keep getting wetter, until large quantities of clotted white liquid are streaming out of his mouth and pooling in the folds of his shirt.** Or on my shirt. Or my pants. Or on the duvet cover. Or the floor. Or the dog. (I won't gross you out by telling you what Nell doggie does to the little puke puddles she finds scattered around the house. Suffice it to say, she is in no danger of developing an eating disorder.)

I'm beginning to suspect that all this vomiting might be intentional. Ever since Milo discovered his fingers, he's been sucking on them relentlessly, often sticking them so far down his throat that he actually gags. I catch him doing it several times a day.

The irony is, he's still gaining four to eight ounces a week. When will he learn that this kind of extreme eating behaviour just won't work? Silly monkey. Everyone knows that eating less and exercising more is the only real way to take the pounds off and actually keep them off.

But I'm worried that Milo might be a "quick-fix" kind of guy. As soon as that kid starts to walk, I'm making sure the laxatives stay on the TOP shelf of the medicine cabinet.

** Rob seems to think that I'm exaggerating the amount of vomit that Milo actually spits up. But to my way of thinking, ANY amount of vomit is too much. Am I right, folks?