Why, Mommy? Why? I made Milo bleed the other day.
It happened while I was trimming his fingernails. My parents were coming over that afternoon, and I knew I had to declaw him so he wouldn't leave permanently disfiguring gashes on their faces.
It was all going fine until I got to his right thumb. Oh, that thumb, the way the skin clings so adamantly to the nail. No matter how much care I took in trying to insert only the nail between the two sharp blades of the clipper, some skin managed to sneak in there as well.
Finally, I repositioned the clipper one last time and decided to hope for the best and make the darned cut. 'Cause that's what I would have done if it had been my nail.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
As soon as the nail clipper went "click," I knew I had made a serious mistake. Milo's eyes flew wide and his mouth opened in a round "O" of shock. His quivering lips pulled down into a pathetic little "m" and then opened again to let out the second loudest howl I've ever heard him make (go here if you dare to learn the story of the loudest).
I looked down at the injured thumb, and sure enough, saw a thin line of red welling up where the end of the fingernail used to be. I grabbed his hand and shoved the bleeding digit into my mouth, hoping to suck away the pain like snake venom.
Milo got over his injury within a few short minutes, but my pain lingered on for hours afterward. I felt like I've failed some sort of test. Clearly, making your child bleed isn't something that mothers are supposed to DO.
Oh, I know that Milo is going to experience pain and suffering in his life. There's no escaping it. If you listen to the Buddhists, they'll tell you that's what life is all about, and if you want to discover how to truly enjoy life, you need to learn how to deal properly with pain and rise above it in order to prevent it from developing into actual suffering.
(I love how Buddhism makes a distinction between pain and suffering. One is clean and sharp like a blade and can strengthen the character of the person who experiences it. The other festers like a gangrenous wound and saps a person's soul.)
I know I can't completely protect Milo from pain, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. That's impossible. I only hope that I'm able to help him learn how to cope successfully with the pain that life will inevitably bring him.
Yet when I look at my little boy and imagine all the cuts, bruises, abrasions, and broken bones that will someday mar his beautiful blank slate of a body (not to mention the more painful wounds that will one day be inflicted on his heart), I can't help but wish for a magic wand that would erase all possibility of anything bad ever happening to him.
Even though I know that all the unpleasant experiences awaiting him will help him acquire more character and wisdom than all the hugs and kisses that I could ever possibly give him, still, I wish.
At the very least, I wish I could learn how to use those stupid nail clippers properly, so that it won't be me who continues to be the bringer of pain.
8 comments:
the nail clippers are evil. worse is misjudging the placement of furniture, with baby's head! what i havent bashed Indy's head off of, he has bashed it into since he started crawling!
Have you tried baby nail scissors? They may be a bit easier to use then the clippers. But don't worry, you are not the only one to make your baby bleed. With me it is usually my nails that are the weapon. I do not have long nails, but they do get a bit longer before I usually bite them or rip them off. There have been a few ocasions where I have scratched Pumpkin with my nails accidentally while dressing or changing her. Oh I feel so bad when she cries and is left with the scratch across her face :-( My watch has also snagged her too. Just wait till they are crawling and walking! No matter how careful we are they will get hurt now and then. I think the main thing is if we are there to kiss the booboo and make it all better.
My mom used to chew my nails off because the clipper freaked her out. Is that weird?
Meg, That is actually what is recomended for the first few months because the nail is attached to the bed. I did that for a while untill she got bigger and her nails got stronger.
Aww, you're not the first to do this and you certainly won't be the last...
I've known moms who chewed their baby's nails off, too.
I did that once, then never again, as I told my wife that I'd have to file them down (which takes a real long time when you're trying to be very careful, BTW) if she didn't take over the job. She was nice enough to help me out with that particular chore.
I did the *exact* same thing. I'll never forget the feeling of cutting through skin instead of nail. I may have cried more than Brett, knowing I had hurt him and that he might never get over it. He did.
You never intentionally want to hurt them, i once cut my sons ear while giving him a hair cut. He to this day never lets me live it down.
very nice blog you have here, i hope to visit again
Post a Comment