What comes out of your head when you shower? My hair is falling out. Actually, "falling out" is an understatement. It's committing mass suicide -- literally jumping off my scalp and throwing itself to its death.
I'd be a lot more disturbed if I hadn't been expecting this cranial exodus. See, when you're pregnant, your hair stops falling out. It's pretty cool, actually. Back in the days when Milo and I were one, my hair was thicker and shinier than it's ever been in my life. I kept on telling myself, "Don't get attached to it, it's not going to last, it's going to start falling out again as soon as you have the baby and be as limp and fine as it ever was."
But I didn't listen. I couldn't listen. Heck, I was shaped like a WATERMELON -- how could I not be a little vain about the one aspect of myself that wasn't bloated beyond recognition?
Well, the time has come to pay the piper (or rather, the hairdresser, as soon as I can manage to get Rob to babysit Milo long enough for me to take a trip to the salon). As soon as Milo turned three months old, just like clockwork, my hair started fleeing my scalp in droves. You'd think there was some kind of 30-story lizard monster residing up there or something.
The carnage is everywhere. There are long, dark wavy hairs all over the floor and the furniture. Huge, gnarly clumps of it are clogging my bathtub drain. I'm even finding it in my food. Mmm... fried eggs and hair. My favourite!
Not even Milo is safe from it. Every day, I pull at least 20 hairs from his tiny clenched fists. I find them pressed to his cheek when I take him out of the crib after his nap. I even find them floating in his bathwater, trying to wind themselves around the folds in his chubby little neck.
And just a couple nights ago, I was presented with this fresh horror: I'd passed off diaper changing duties to Rob (because I knew Milo had taken a poop, heh heh heh) and was playing around on the computer when I heard Rob call out in a sing-song voice.
"Oh Errrrrrrin... guess what I just pulled out of Milo's butt???"
Yep. You guessed it. I've seen some pretty strange stuff come out of that boy's butt, and I'm sure there are much stranger things to come, but this one I wasn't expecting.
Apparently Milo's expression as the foot-long strand of hairwas extracted from his sphincter was really quite amusing.
4 comments:
Um, did that dime come out of your head in the shower too? Just trying to clear up any confusion the peeps might be having...
Mine's falling out in clumps as well. And I'm now 6 months post pardum. It can stop any freaking time now...you know...before I'm bald...
I am killing myself laughing at this. If only I had an actual baby to make me feel better about my thinning:).
It ends... eventually... longer if you breast feed. Don't worry...I found my hair in all sorts of wonderfully embarrassing places on my children. Just enjoy the fact that there is less to style while the the child is small.
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